Revelations
by luvdiz
Summary: Harvey must face his worst fear. Will it make him re-evaluate certain things?


_This is a just a short story that came to me last night and wouldn't let go. Let me know what you think._

Harvey smiled to himself as he rode the elevator up to Pearson, Specter and Litt. He had just signed a new client that would bring millions into the firm. So far it had been a great day and since it was just approaching noon there was still time to accomplish even more. These were the type of days that Harvey lived for. He had taken Wilson Manufacturing out from under a competing firm and they didn't even see it coming.

The doors opened and Harvey stepped out. Instantly the confident mood that he was so accustom to vanished. Replaced by regret, sorrow and most importantly loss. Donna stood in the elevator lobby looking as bright and happy as ever. Then their eyes meet and he could see the walls come up. She greeted him with a forced smile and it did something to him. Unable to properly respond he reached his hand back and held the elevator door for her.

"Thank you," she responded as she stepped into the elevator. Just as the doors starting sliding closed Donna reached out her hand. "I'm going down to that little deli on the corner to get Louis and I some lunch. I know you usually celebrate with Italian, but if you want I can bring you back something."

She seemed to be struggling with the words and Harvey knew this awkwardness between them was all his fault. He hadn't been able to handle her decision to go work for Louis and by protecting himself from the reality of why she left he ended up hurting her and their relationship.

"How do you know I have something to celebrate?" Donna no longer kept his schedule. She had no way of knowing where he had gone or for what purpose.

"I'm Donna," she replied with her usual bravo but it did nothing to hide the pain in her eyes.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Harvey walked into Louis's office. "Did you look over the files on the Mercado accusation?"

"I did and everything looks great. I'll have Donna send off the contracts when she gets back," Louis answered barely looking up from his computer screen.

Harvey turned to look back at Donna's desk and wondered how he didn't notice her missing when he walked by. "Donna's not back yet? I thought she just ran down to the corner deli?"

"Huh?" asked a distracted Louis. Finally looking up he noticed the time. Donna had been gone awhile. "It has been awhile. I guess it was busier than usual."

Just as Harvey turned to leave he noticed a very frazzled Gretchen running toward him. "Gretchen! What is it?" he questioned anxiously. It wasn't like his level headed secretary to look so upset. It made his stomach fill with dread. Was it Marcus? His niece or nephew? All kinds of terrible scenarios ran through his head as he waited for his secretary to catch her breath.

"The police just called. You're listed as emergency contact so they called your desk," Gretchen huffed.

Harvey closed his eyes. He was right, it was Marcus or his family. Who else would list him as an emergency contact? It just took a second for Harvey's mind to formulate a plan. He could make it out to Jersey in less than an hour. He just needed Gretchen to cancel all his meetings for this afternoon. Tomorrow too, just to be safe. He hadn't always been the best big brother but today would be different. He would be there for whatever Marcus needed. He opened his mouth to share his plans with the woman in front of him when she spoke the words that stole the breath from his lungs.

"The deli down the street was robbed. Donna was shot."

For a moment Harvey was sure he would black out. Collapse at the very least. He heard Gretchen speaking but couldn't make sense of what she was saying. Words like ambulance, trauma center and critical bounced off him. This couldn't be happening. Not Donna. No, no ,no! It was all he could think. He never noticed when Mike approached him.

"Harvey. Harvey look at me!"

He looked up into Mike's face and saw nothing but distress and panic. Harvey could relate. Never taking his eyes off his mentors Mike told Gretchen to have Ray meet them downstairs. Then he took Harvey by the arm and led him out of the office.

Harvey tried to focus on his breathing as the city streets passed by the car's windows. He had no idea what to do. How to handle this. What if she didn't make it? His stomach flipped and he struggled to fight down the bile that rose up in his throat.

"We're almost there."

He closed his eyes as he heard Mike's words and was never more relieved to have the young man at his side. For the first time in his life, he was faced with something he couldn't handle. It was a completely foreign feeling and he had no idea how to even start. As the car came to a halt outside of hospital, Harvey actually considered just turning and running away. He couldn't do this. Couldn't face a world without Donna in it. Never in his life had he run from a battle, but his was too much. As if he knew exactly what his boss was thinking, Mike grabbed him by the shoulders. "Let's go." With those words they exited the car and walked into the emergency room.

* * *

Two hours later Harvey sat in the waiting room outside the operating room. Jessica, Louis, Rachel, Gretchen, Donna's parents and even Marcus has arrived in the last few hours. Mike was still three too. He had stood by Harvey's side and asked all the questions that Harvey couldn't seem to voice. He was surrounded by people and had never felt so alone. In a way, he guessed he deserved to feel alone. He was the one who pushed everyone away. Never letting anyone in too far for fear of getting hurt. He wondered where that had gotten him. He had money, respect, and a job he loved. He thought that was everything he needed.

" _No. I said it because I love you and I wanted you to know it."_

" _Love me how?"_

" _Why does that have to come into…."_

" _Love me how? … That's what I thought. You either can't answer or you won't. Which is bullshit because obviously you don't just look at me this way. You're capable of looking at me that way but you don't want to let those worlds collide because you're afraid of risking anything."_

" _Because we have everything!"_

" _No Harvey, you have everything."_

" _So you're saying you want everything?"_

" _I don't know Harvey. But what I do know is I don't want your pity."_

How could he have been so wrong? He didn't have everything. He didn't have anything at all. He lost it because he let his fear control him. He had been so stupid and so selfish. The most amazing women had stood in front of him and offered him the world and he had been too afraid to accept it. Rage filled him. Some asshole had walked into a deli looking for money and had managed to tear Harvey's whole world apart. Now it might be too late. The rage and anger built up so fast he couldn't hold it anymore. Jumping up from his chair he paced the room and when that wasn't enough his fist connected with the wall causing everyone in the room to jump in surprise. They all looked at him, but there wasn't anything they could say. The doctors had told them that the damage had been extensive. They were doing all they could, but the doctors couldn't say what the outcome would be. So they waited. Harvey leaned his head against the cool wall and remembered all the times Donna had been there for him.

" _You just made partner."_

" _We just made partner."_

Harvey's eyes started to burn and he closed them against the tears.

" _Look I need you."_

" _Need?"_

" _Need. I told her I can't be me, without you."_

" _She must be very special."_

" _She is."_

" _I don't want to find out what kind of lawyer I'd be without you."_

As Harvey collapsed back into his chair. He felt Mike lay a hand on his shoulder in comfort and he let the tears fall. Harvey had no idea how much time passed before he felt Mike tap his shoulder. Looking up he saw a doctor enter the waiting room.

Everyone in the room jumped up to meet him. Harvey was filled with panic as he waited for the man to speak. Finally, Jessica spoke up. "Doctor, how is she?"

The doctor took a minute to look around the room. "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but we couldn't save her." For a minute the room was silent, then the silence was broken with the sounds of gasps and sobs. "She died on the table. I'm very sorry, but she's gone."

Harvey heard the words coming from the doctor's mouth, heard the cries and sobs coming from his friends. Saw his brother walk to him but he couldn't feel Marcus's arms wrap around him. He was numb. Totally and completely numb. Harvey couldn't focus. There was no way to wrap him mind around this. It just couldn't be true. It had to be a mistake.

" _And Harvey. No one is leaving you."_

Only she did. Donna was gone. Harvey's world went black as he fell to the floor. He heard his brother calling out to him, but he didn't want to fight the darkness. Instead, he gave into it.

* * *

"How did that make you feel, Harvey?"

Harvey looked up at Dr. Agard question.

"Are you serious?" he yelled thinking his therapist had lost her mind. "It was…I've never felt…..I can't even put into words what that nightmare was like. I woke up gasping for breath afraid that it had all been true. That Donna was really gone."

"But you did wake up," Dr. Agard stated. "It was just a dream. The question is," Dr. Agard made sure she had her patient's full attention. "What are you going to do about it?"

Filled with purpose and determination Harvey responded, "I'm going to get her back."

"As your secretary, you mean?"

"No. As my everything."


End file.
